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My Pet Monk ey Likes You, Anna
by Wayne Edwards

My monkey said he’d really like 
To come and see you, sometime soon. 
He said I should suggest, to you, 
Tomorrow… early afternoon.
I don’t know why he likes you so 
Because you’ve never even met. 
He has lots of weird ideas; 
He’s really such a stupid pet.
And now he asks me, every day, 
If we’re gonna go to Anna’s. 
It all started when I told him 
Kids all say that you’re bananas.
WE
Twister

My dog is an ugly dog,
As anyone can see.
He’s not the kind that folks like,
But he’s good enough for me.
He spins around in circles,
When he greets me after school.
That’s why I named him “Twister,”
And I think he’s really cool.
His legs look like a Beagle’s,
And his hair a porcupine.
His eyes are sort of crossed;
Mom jokes they look like mine.
He’s got a squashed-up nose
Like Sally’s Pekinese.
He really is quite ugly;
Dad says he scares off fleas.
His tail is long and scruffy,
It tends to knock things over.
He likes to roll in dead things;
He doesn’t smell like clover!
Uncle asked if I would take
A million bucks for Twister.
“Not ten million bucks,” I said
“But I’ll sell you my big sister!”
WE
Shoestrings
by Wayne Edwards
I don’t like to tie my shoestrings,
It’s something I don’t like to do.
They trip me when I walk and run,
And get all black with mud and goo.
Strangers stop me just to tie them,
And when they’ve finished they say, “There.”
They rub my head and walk away,
And leave me with all mussed up hair!
I really ought to tie my shoes,
Before my mother has a cow.
The reason I’ve not done it yet,
Is that I’ve quite forgotten  how!
WE
Ice-Cream Man

He seemed a nice and friendly man
When first I went into his store.
I saw a list of flavors there
And said, “Don’t you have any more?”
He asked, “What flavors do you want?”
And claimed that he had quite a few.
“I have a brand new peppermint,
Pistachio and honey dew.”
“I have butter-brickle almond,
And a very tasty cherry,
Or how about a chocolate
That is swirled with boysenberry?”
“Would you like a fudge-banana
Or a caramel chocolate dip?
How about coffee pumpkin dream
Or maybe a butterscotch rip?”
“Would you like to try brandy peach
Or a peanut butter custard?
How about hamburger flavor?
It’s complete with cheese and mustard.”
“I also have orange marmalade,
Dr. Pepper, orange crush and root beer.
How about my almond mocha
Or my licorice candy cheer?”
“Of course I have pecan praline,
Tin roof, doghouse and rocky road.
Have you tried my favorite one
Called hippity hoppity toad?”
“There is strawberry pecan sherbet
And chocolate banana lime.
The one the kids all like to try
Is one called Frankenstein’s green slime.”
Well I don’t know why he kicked me,
He had been a jolly fella.
I guess it really made him mad,
When I said, “I’ll have vanilla.”
WE
Wholesale Cat


Our cat got into a fight
And completely lost her tail.
It was the cat that my dad
Had decided we should sell.
Dad said now it sure looked like
We would have to wholesale her.
Because there is just no way
We could ever retail her.
WE
Bad News About Grandpa
by Wayne Edwards

Grandpa was in the ER,
He’d been there quite a while
When the doctor came out.
He wasn’t wearing a smile.
“I’m afraid I have bad news;”
With a sad look, the doctor said,
“Your grandpa’s heart is beating,
But I’m afraid that he’s braindead.”
Grandmother was hysterical,
“How could he end up like that?
A conservative all his life,
And now he’s a Democrat?”

WE
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