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Advantages of Being Short
by Wayne Edwards
Statistics show that short folks 
Hardly ever bump their heads 
And short people fit nicely 
On the shortest hotel beds.
They can swim in kiddy pools 
And clothes are somewhat cheaper. 
Their caskets are a bargain 
When they go to meet the reaper.
If they get caught in the rain, 
They’re the last ones to get wet. 
The last to see the sun rise 
And the first to see it set.
One problem that short men have, 
‘Cause it isn’t nice to stare, 
Are those little miniskirts 
That all the women wear!
Magic Hat
by Wayne Edwards

I found a magic hat
While walking in the mall.
That is how I got so short,
Although I had been rather tall.
It said that I could wish for things
And they’d appear out of thin air,
And pile up on the hat’s broad brim;
But warned that I should wish with care.
At first I wished for little things,
A brand new baseball and a bat.
I felt the bumps when they appeared
And landed on my magic hat.
So then I asked for silly things;
Jellybeans, a chocolate cake,
Which joined the stuff atop my hat.
The elephant was a big mistake!
One Minor De-Tail
by Wayne Edwards

Mister rabbit stood
At the Old Wishing Well
And wished that he had
A bushy long tail.
He threw in some nickels
And pennies and dimes
And wished a hundred
And twenty-three times.
He spent all the money
He had to buy food,
Which had gotten him in
A terribly bad mood.
Why hadn’t he noticed
The sign by the stairs?
“The Old Wishing Well
Is closed for repairs.”
Wishes may be reversed”
But Rabbit wished anyway,
The wish he’d rehearsed.
It had warned that all rabbits
Should read the sign well
And not wish for things
Like a bushy long tail.
So for trying to be
So smart and so clever
Rabbit’s tail just got shorter
Much shorter than ever.
And the one silly thing,
The thing that’s most sad;
Is that rabbits now have
Shorter tails than they had.
My Sneeze
by Wayne Edwards

My teacher asked me;
“Goodness sakes, Bessie,
Just look at your arm,
Why is it so messy?”
It makes you wonder,
When they have to sneeze,
How teachers wipe off
The mess that it leaves.
It was quite a sneeze,
The worst of the day.
Kids that were close by
Complained of the spray.
Where else could I wipe
The gook a sneeze leaves?
No tissue or hankie,
And my dress had short sleeves!
What can I say about Grace? It’s an old joke but it’s still funny. I’ve changed it some from the way I first heard it, to accommodate rhyming.
If it has a moral, I guess it would be that we should never use religion to try and gain favors from another. If you lead a good Christian life, others will notice and you won’t have to tell people where you stand.
A mother once asked her son if his friends at college gave him a hard time about being a Christian. His answer was that they had never found out.
In Grace, the lion could see that his dinner wasn’t very sincere and at any rate, it didn’t matter.
by Wayne Edwards

While walking through the jungle,
Just to pass the time away,
He came upon a lion
Which can surely ruin one’s day.
Was the beast going to eat him?
He was frozen there with fright.
The lion sure looked hungry,
Like he had an appetite.
The lion looked him over,
Then he bowed down on his knees,
Crossed his paws and closed his eyes,
Just as gentle as you please.
Was the lion someone’s pet?
Did he think they were playing?
For all the world, it looked like
The lion had started praying.
Our hero then took courage,
He might yet survive this day.
“I see, you are a Christian,
I can tell the way you pray.”
I also am a Christian,
I just thought you’d like to know.
I think we have a kinship,
One that could certainly grow.
Would you like to be my friend?
I could teach you to play ball.
Only now I’ve got to go,
But I’ll sure give you a call.”
The lion’s reply was short,
There was anger on his face.
He said, “Will you please shut up…
Can’t you see I’m saying grace?”
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