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Drinking and Camping and Presidents

Sometimes it’s best to reduce our decision making to its simplest elements.

The current Presidential debate calls for a decision by Americans about folks we only know from what we read about them or see of them on television or hear from them on the radio.  In spite of these conduits, the decision can be difficult.

To assist me in my decision making about  Presidential candidates, I have two situations in which to place myself with the prospective candidates.

One  situation is derived from the question, “Would I want to go on a camping trip with the candidate?”

Well, Dr. Ben Carson certainly wouldn’t talk my ears off, and if he did, he’d do it in modulated tones.  Besides, a doctor is always handy to have around.  I’m certain if we encountered a threatening bear, his first choice would be to avoid

                 Theodore Roosevelt camping                     confrontation, but not given that

choice, he would certainly shoot the bear to save himself and me, and, of course, render first aid to the bear.  I like that.

Carly Fiorina would be a wonderful camping trip companion.  She seems well-rounded and clear thinking.  In an emergency I’m certain she would remain calm, and  if necessary, lacking a weapon, she would wrestle the bear to the ground, shame him for his attitude, and send him on his way.

Marco Rubio seems to be both modest and young…an attractive combination.  He comes from a working class family, and I’m sure we would have much in common.  I think he could run circles around the bear until the bear became exhausted.

Donald Trump doesn’t seem to be a very likable person to have around very long.  His personal self-agrandizement I fear would get on my nerves.  If we were to run into a bear who acted in a threatening manner, I’m afraid Donald would try to explain to the bear how wonderful he is and therefore eating him would be out of the question.  Not a very workable plan.

Bernie Sanders would probably be interesting to have along on a camping trip.  First of all, he’s about my age and I doubt that I would agree with him on much, but it would be interesting to poke a stick at him to get him to say something foolish.  In addition I could probably outrun Bernie leaving him behind for the bear to have his way with.

Hillary Clinton, my Gawd!  Can you imagine the torture of being on a camping trip with her?  I don’t think even a bear would want to eat Hillary, and if a bear did decide to take a chance on nibbling her, I imagine she’ll go out whining that it’s all a vast right wing conspiracy.

My other test is the question, “Would I like to share a drink with the candidate?”

I doubt if Dr. Carson is much of a drinker, being a surgeon, but I’m sure he would be polite about his choice of alcoholic beverages probably having whatever I’m having.

Carly, I suspect, occasionally imbibes.  I suspect she’s not much of a beer nor wine drinker.  I see her downing a strong mixed drink.  Regardless of how much she drinks, she probably keeps her cool and would end up driving everyone else home.

Marco Rubio’s dad was a bartender, so I’m sure he’d mix the drinks himself and tell interesting stories of his father and their life in Florida.  Yeah, a good drinking companion.

I’m afraid one drink would put Bernie to sleep…his age and all.  But I’m pretty sure Bernie would be explaining what’s wrong with the world until he dropped off.

A drunk Hillary would be a hoot.  Drinking might loosen her up enough to reveal some kind of a personality.  However, I suspect that she’s probably a mean drunk, and I really don’t care to hear how Bill and Obama and all those damned Republicans have done her wrong.

Donald Trump would probably buy drinks for everyone but not have time to drink anything himself because he’ll be too busy explaining how wonderful he is and how if he chose to be, he could be the greatest drinker of all time.

Now, I know there are candidates I’ve left out, but you get the point.

Try it for yourself.  These two situations take a lot of the fine points out of the thought process and would lend itself to minimizing voters who overly concentrate on a single issue.

Perhaps you’re more complex than I am, but being a simple man, it works for me.