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I Ain’t No Dancer

John W. Pinkerton


I ain’t no dancer.  Oh, I've danced.  As a young fellow, I knew girls expected the boys to dance.  I did what I could, but it was really pretty sad.

Recently I've seen some pretty nifty dancing on the internet.  Wow, I'm particularly impressed by the jitterbug couples.  Gene and Betty, high school classmates of mine, were particularly adept at the jitterbug.  I never even tried.  I saw from a distance that I couldn't even begin to perform that dance.

My mother was a dancer.  She loved to dance.  She tried to teach me to dance, but not all pigs' ears can be turned into silk purses.

I could slow dance or waltz, kinda,  but the faster steps totally eluded me.  I've always been lucky and just when I needed it, Chubby Checker introduced all young people to the twist.  Hot damn!  Even I could manage this dance.

I dated a girl way out of my league in my early college days.  One evening at a night club, the band announced a twist contest.  Naturally my date wanted to enter.  Wow!  She was spectacular, and I just did what I could.  If she had danced alone, she surely would have finished in first place; however, I was bad enough to drag her down to the runnerup spot.

Linda likes to dance.  I'm not sure why.  In our early years together we often went to dances.  I danced when she insisted.  At least she seemed to enjoy it.

There was an older lady who insisted on dancing with me on more than one occasion.  She was rather forceful in her requests; you might say she made me an offer I couldn't refuse.  She was an amazingly strong lady who picked me up and carried me around the dance floor whether I wanted it or not.  Nice lady but a poor judge of dance partners.

I finally realized all I was getting out of attending dances was the prospect I would get my ass whipped which didn't seem prudent.  Linda retired from dancing unwillingly.  I retired happily.

Dancers have plenty from which to choose. There's the Waltz, Viennese Waltz, Tango, Cha-cha-cha, rumba, samba, mambo, quickstep, bolero, Charleston, swing tap dance, moonwalk, boogie-woogie, salsa, flamenco, Argentine tango, lambada, polka, jive, east coast swing, capoeira, country/western dances, folk dance, and belly dance to name a few.

I live in rural Texas now, so I'm most familiar with country/western and polka dances.

I guess the one good thing about being an old codger is that no one expects me to dance.   Thank the Lord.