I've Been Spammed

John W. Pinkerton


Recently a friend responded to an email several days after I had sent him a message.  He said that my message had gone to his spam folder.  Great!  He uses the same email provider that I do, but I didn't remember seeing a spam folder on my site.  I stumbled around the site until I found it.  I had 133 spammed messages.  After looking at each one, I was thankful that it had been hard to find.

I, apparently, am in need of love.  Christian Mingle seemed to be the most insistent sending me four separate emails.  They told me I could view pictures of Christian singles in my area.  Heck, I can look out my window and see single Christians.

Another email was headed “Senior Dating” and asked me if I was tired of casual dating.  This one puzzled me a bit: how did they know that I'm old and what is the alternative to “casual” dating?  That was  a little scary.

As far as I know, I'm not Jewish, but apparently someone thought that I might be interested in dating Jewish singles and told me I could see photos of Jewish singles.

I got an email from Casey; apparently Casey is a golfer in my area who wants to date me.  I don't think Casey would be impressed by my golf game.

Ecisterino told me I was missing out.  She didn't say what I'm missing, but I'm sure she's right.

Sasha, probably a Russian girl, also wanted me to meet her.

It seems that a number of these spammers are concerned for my health.  One offered me breast augmentation.  Another offered to point me toward dentures and crowns for my teeth.  One asked me if I
wanted to take Cannabis E-liquid…while it's still legal and even offered me a free kit.  A Doctor Peters warned me about stuff growing in my stomach.  Another made an offer to supply me with inexpensive dental implants.  One fellow suggested that I get skinny now.  I've been skinny all of my life, so I don't need any help.  One offered me support for detox and said they can help me quit drinking easily.  My best offer was probably the fellow who wanted to sell me some coconut oil to help grow my hair…“Now!”  Coconut oil doesn't seem like a pleasant thing to put on one's head.  Force Factor tried to entice me into becoming “the Man That She Wants…Today.”  Sorry, Linda, this is as good as it gets.

Apparently a number of folks think I need financial assistance.  Well, not today, but who knows what
tomorrow may bring.  One I didn't understand was from Lending Tree which asked me if I could use some extra money then asked me to make a deposit.  Well if I made a deposit, I suppose I might need some extra money.

A couple of banks offered me checking accounts.  Another offered me a credit card.  Some fellows offered me help with my medical bills and another offered me something called “payment plan loans.”  I can even get a reverse mortgage from Reverse Mortgage America.

My most intriguing offer was from Barrister Paul Williams who told me about an Arab fellow who wants to give me millions.

Other offers included gas cards, hidden wireless cameras, career growth opportunities, cheap airfares, a list of attorneys by type, coupons for new tires, great deals on SUVs, good deals on senior apartments, assurances that the government would pay for my solar panels, pet food coupons, cable services, and an offer to earn a degree from the comfort of my home…peachy.

Well, I'm sure these folks are well intended.  However the picture they present of me is not very flattering.  Apparently I need a lot of help in my social life, in my health decisions, picking out tires, choosing attorneys, and career choices.   Shoot, these folks must have me confused with my long deceased brother.  Bless his heart.



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