JOHN W. PINKERTON

oldjwpinkerton@gmail.com

A few years ago, I thought it would be amusing to write a group of essays which I would collect into a book to be given to my pallbearers.  Hmm, some explanation seems appropriate: when I was a kid, I always thought it odd that most famous folks did not have final words.  Of course, as I became a big kid, I realized having final words was an option for very few of us.  Well, the essays are my way of having final words, even if I’m not famous, for people I care about.  But now that I have a website, I think I’ll share them with whoever chooses to read them whether I care for them or not.  The pallbearers will have to settle for the good thought or maybe a nice sandwich.

To encourage folks to write fiction for the site, I created my own short story, “Phineas T. McGregor: the Great Bank Robber.”  I discovered the following: non-fiction easy; fiction hard.

I’ve even wandered off into the world of poetry.  I discovered the following: prose easy; poetry hard.

As you probably know, I’m old.  Writing is one more way for me to keep myself occupied in my “golden” years.

MY ESSAYS

1  Television

2  The Picture Show

3  Dogs are Chosen: Cats Choose   

4  My Dog: My Hero

5  Fantasy Football

6  Golf 

  7  My Friend Jim 

8    Music  

9  Poetry   

10  Jokes   

11  Mathematics  

12     Cars  

13     Bars

14   Our Town

15  Flying Is for the Birds

  16    Big Changes Little Noted

17  Religion or Not

18   Farming Bad: Gardening Good

19   The Horse and Other Ways to Die

20   Art: It’s My Nature

21   Intelligence

22   A Curmudgeon’s Report

23   Counting Cats

24   Weird Physics

25   What’s All This Israel Stuff?

26   House

27     Food

28   LSU and Other Things I Don’t Lose Sleep Over

29   Did I Mention It Was Hot?

30   Shock

31   Social Changes

32   The PO-lice

33   Senior Status

34   Clothes

35   Weather

36   Death and Other Humorous Parts of Living

37   End of the World... or Not So Much

38   Gifts

39   I’ve Seen Enough

40   My War with the Army

41   Oops, I’m a Collector

42   Hunting

43   You’re Not the Boss of Me

44   Friends Misplaced But Not Lost

45   Fishing

46   Beauty and the Beast

47   Haircut

48   Vacations

49   Politics

50   Public Education

51   Gambling

52   Coffee

53   The One-Eyed Man

54   I Am No Artist

55     Essay on Essays

56   Holy Moly!  We Went to the Moon!

57   On Turning 70

58     Children’s Games

59     Magazines

60     I Missed the Memo

61     Idioms

62     Reading

63     John Wayne

64     Glossophobia

65     Newspapers

66     Stupid Norwegians?

67     Oops!

68     The New Telephone Book’s Here!

69     I Guess I’m Just a Bad Person

70     Sundays, the Sabbath, and Blue Laws

71     The Sweet Science

72     The Day I “Met” Robert Penn Warren

73     The Ol’ Double-L: a Sovereign Nation

74     Cowboy Bob Steele

75     How to Nod Knowingly

76     Who Are These People?

77     Dear Dallas Cowboys

78     The Academy Awards

79     Photography

80     Discussin’ Cussin

81     Billy Goes Home

82     Same-Sex Marriage

83     Time or Maybe Not

84     Spring Arrives with the Masters

85     Hucklebuckle

86     The Most Interesting Man in the World

87     Funny Folks: Stand-Up Comedians

88     H. L Mencken

89    The Silent Generation

90    The Crazy Old Man

91   GTT

92   Ronnie June “Tumble” Terry

93    How Old Art Guy Became an Online Magazine

94    Cattywhompus

95    Useless Memories

96    UFOs and Me

97    Who or Whom?

98    Humility

99    Email Dilemma

100    Baseball: Things Change

101    The Battered Wives Club

102    Salt

103    Bathroom: the Horror, the Horror

104    The Upside Down and Backward World of Languages

105    High Self-Esteem and Expectations

106    Dang It, Darwin

107    An Ode to Ripple

108    Janis

109    How I Became a Prince

110    Aaron Edward Hotchner

111    I Am a Little Erased

112    Old Minds Wander

113    Night to Day: the Transition

114    The Bug That Bugs Me

115    Listening for the Mockingbirds

116    G. K. Chesterton

117    Bad Luck Bill and Other Superstitions

118    Azalea Pinkwater

119    Hobson’s Choice

120    Evangelist for Writing

121    My Karma Ran Over Your Dogma

122    Work, Work, Work til Your Ass Falls Off

123    Finley Peter Dunn

124    The Moon and Green Cheese

125    Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen

126    The Power of Positive Thinking

127    Southern Waving

128    To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

129    Murals

130    Your’re Getting on My Last Nerve: Quotation Marks and Italics

131    The Penny

132    I Don’t Know My Colors

133    Transcendentalism

134    Jaguar XKE or MG Midget?

135    Nancy Said: Quotation Marks

136    Fifteen Minutes of Fame

137    Creepy Places

138    An Open Letter

139    Know Thyself

140    My New Old Cousin

141    Bobby Hebert

142    Top Ten Dead Folks

143    Old Photos

144    Wilbur Shaw

145    The Art Accident

146    What a Strange World

147    Lord Elgin

148    Jousting with Windmills

149    Old Age and Nursing Homes

150    Language Matters

151    From Alvin to Yogi

152    Impossible?

153    Let’s Talk about Hats

154    Last Meals

155    Alone

156    This Is an Intervention

157    Cool

158    Twenty-four in One

159    Zombies

160    Drinking, Camping and the Presidents

161    Coaches

162    A Remarkable “Insignificant” Person

163    Frog or Toad

164    Give Me a Damned Break

165    Let’s Talk about Goats

166    Possum, Linda’s Cat

167    Harrison Barron

168    Linear Week

169     Maybe Folks Just Don’t Like Art

170     New Years Resolutions or Lies We Tell Ourselves

171     Ugly Cars

172     Fe-Fi-Fo-Fum

173     Shakespeare’s Man

174     ...and I Ain’t Too Sure About You

175     Name Change Head Explosion

176     It’s a Ding Dang Miracle

177     Hang Those Deniers

178     Beards Are Trending

179     We Call Our Daddies Daddy

180     Richard Milhous Nixon

181     Bigwigs

182     Grandma Barron

183     Irish

184     Round Top

185     Mrs. Marguerite Miller

186     Flyover County

187     No Apocalypse: Off to Work

188     Duke Ellington

189     Kiss My Grits

190     If You’re a Man over Thirty

191     The Bee Man Cometh

192     I’ve Been Spammed

193     I Ain’t No Graduation Speaker

194     Applause, Please

195     The Real Rocky

196     Roll Dem Dice

197     They Come for the Wine

198     The Death Sentence

199     Where’s My Theme Music?

200     J. W. Pinkerton, Author

201     I Ain’t No Dancer

202     I Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Technology

203     I Am a Lucky Man

204     Same Man: Same Problem

205     Small Scenes, Big Memories

206     It Was Never Your Team, Les

207     First, Do No Harm

208     Irish Fathers and Automobiles

209     Bob and Me

210     Speakers’s Corner

211     Enemies Can Be  Blessings

212     You’re Still Not the Boss of Me

213     Old White Guy Speaks

214     Meaning of Life

215     What’s Under Your Bed?

216     Wallowing in Grief

217     Movietone News

218     Addition and Subtraction

219     George W. Bush

220     Wanderlust

221     Leon Hale

222     Will Rogers: Renaissance Man

223     Family Is a Choice

224     The Don Quixote of Donkeys

225     Shoot the Art or the Artist

226     My Tree

227     The Romance Is Over

228     Bored

229     Philosophy: Yeah, That’s the Ticket

230     Francis and Friends

231     Anti-intellectualism My Butt

232     I Ain’t Dropping My Pants

233     Gravity’s Pull on Me

234     Okay, We Need to Talk

235     Words

236    An Epiph

237    Fog

238    P. G. Wodehouse

239    Hitchin’

240    Nicknames

241    The Great Turkey Debate

242   College Degrees:

Look before You Leap

243    Amos ‘n’ Andy

244    Breaking the Code...Maybe

245    I Know Nothing

246    Sultry


MY FICTION

1     Phineas T. McGregor: the Great Bank Robber

2     The Country Club


MY POETRY

See “The Poetry of John Pinkerton





















213     When I Become Smaller

214     Thanks, Mate

215     Addition and Subtraction

 
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