New Years Resolutions or Lies We Tell Ourselves
John W. Pinkerton
Well, we’re in a new year, 2016. We’re 17 years into the 21st Century, and I still want to begin the year with 19 instead of 20. Old habits are hard to put aside.
I’ve never been big on new years resolutions: I just don’t do them; for most of us they’re useless. I’ve got some bad habits I’d like to put aside, but after 73 years, what’s the point?
Being that I don’t intend to seriously make any resolutions, maybe I can create some resolutions I have no intention of fulfilling:
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I resolve to become a body builder in 2016. Do you think I might be able to bulk up at 73? Is there an old guy weight lifting competition?
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I resolve to drink more alcoholic beverages. I used to enjoy…no, love drinking. Some time after I retired, I lost my taste for it. Maybe if you held a gun on me I could down a few drinks…but otherwise, it ain’t likely.
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I resolve to be a kinder person in 2016. Yeah, that’s going to happen. After decades of being a jackass, I doubt that I’ll suddenly be Mr. Sunshine.
![](New_Years_Resolutions_or_Lies_We_Tell_Ourselves_files/100_0110_3.jpg)
I resolve to learn a new skill in 2016. That seems worthwhile, but I learned all I need to know in the first grade. Besides what would I choose to learn? Mandarin? Ballet? How to neuter mountain lions?
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I resolve to learn to listen without snickering at liberals speaking. Look, a man can only conceal so much.
![](New_Years_Resolutions_or_Lies_We_Tell_Ourselves_files/100_0110_5.jpg)
I resolve to take better care of my health. Haven’t; ain’t gonna; too damned boring.
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I resolve to not waste time watching too much television in 2016. I live in Somerville, Texas: give me a viable alternative.
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I resolve to get out of the house more in 2016. Wouldn’t be prudent.
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I resolve not to make fun of folks who graduated from Texas A&M and UT. I choose not to do this; it’s way too much fun.
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I resolve in 2016 to vote for a Democrat. Ha, ha, hee, hee, hee. That one makes even me laugh.
![](New_Years_Resolutions_or_Lies_We_Tell_Ourselves_files/100_0110_10.jpg)
I resolve in 2016 to give more money to charities…yeah, if my bank account is a charity.
![](New_Years_Resolutions_or_Lies_We_Tell_Ourselves_files/100_0110_11.jpg)
Eat more healthful foods in 2016. Bluebell is better, and besides, I theorize my body is held together by coffee, milk, and chocolate. Beer used to be one of the secret ingredients, but I’ve substituted chocolate.
![](New_Years_Resolutions_or_Lies_We_Tell_Ourselves_files/100_0110_12.jpg)
Bathe more often in 2016. I’ll try, but my heart just ain’t in it.
Well, there’s my list of “Resolutions” I have no intentions of keeping. As for your New Years resolutions, think about them this way: if you were capable of making your resolutions come to fruition, you probably wouldn’t have waited for the new year.
enough