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Old White Guy Speaks

John W. Pinkerton


I'm an old white guy.  Yeah, you know me---the source of all the problems in our country…your worst nightmare.

I can't speak for all old white guys, but, being one, I have some idea of who we are and what we think.  I'll try to keep this simple for you youngsters.

Let's talk about the economy.  We're capitalists.  We don't believe in socialism, and we sure as hell don't believe in communism.  Being capitalists, we believe in hard work, and if that doesn't work out to our advantage, well, that’s life.  What we really like about capitalism is the opportunities presented by it.  Opportunity is all we ask for.

What about the Constitution?  Somehow some of you folks got the idea that the Constitution was a “living document” which is code for it-ain’t-worth-the-paper-it’s-written-on.  If you aren’t happy with the written words of the document, amend them.  The founding fathers provided a way to do this---don’t allow judges to just make up stuff.

Let's talk about social issues.

Abortion has always been with us and will always be with us---it’s nothing new.  Old guys just resent our taxpayer dollars paying fo it.

Okay, the supreme court has told us that gay marriage is a constitutional right.  Okay, we support that.  Can we quit talking about it now?

Transgender rights.  Hell, we can not wrap our heads around this one.

Illegal aliens?  What part of illegal do you not understand?

I suspect that old white guys feel about younger Americans much the way old black guys feel: we're a little disappointed in some of  ya'll.

Government support for poor folks---good intentions…bad results.

Guns?  Guns ain't the problem.  Nut cases are the problem.


Big problem, radical Islamic terrorists.  I know damned well you're not going to like this: they must be killed or at least discouraged like the Japanese who decided it's easier to make cars.  There ain't no other solution for this problem. 

Drugs.  Go for it.  The herd needs to be thinned anyway.

Are old guys politically correct?  Need I respond to that question?

Yes, we're grumpy.  Yes, we're out of step with today's world.  Hell, we can't even recognize the tune.

Ya'll have a nice day, ya hear now?