The End of the World...or Not So Much

John W. Pinkerton

You may want to have your Christmas celebration a little early in 2012.  According to the the Mayans, the Chinese, Nostradomus, and the Web Bot Project: doom, doom, doom, and doom on December 21, 2012.  Well, all of them are not as precise about the date as the Mayans, but they’re all pretty sure that the end is near.

Boy, have we got a lot to look forward to in 2012.   For one thing, the presidential election in November of  2012  will mean endless political commercials.   If the world ends two months before the inauguration of the next president, what a waste of time and energy.  The NFL will have its season cut short by a couple of games and no New Orleans superbowl.  So enjoy Indianapolis in early 2012.  It looks as though 2013 will  be canceled because of lack of existence.   Looking for something positive?  Oh yeah, Jack Nicklaus’s record 18 majors will surely hold up for a couple of more years as the world of Tiger Woods has already ended.

I’m pretty sure the Christians will get in on the act as we approach 2012; they have in the past.   In 1806, the Prophet of Leeds, a hen, lay eggs with the phrase, “Christ is coming,” written on the shells. You don’t want to know how this was accomplished.  The Millerites, led by William Miller, predicted the end would come in 1843 or 1844.  People gave up their worldly goods.  They were somewhat disappointed when Christ did not return to usher in the end of the world.  Joseph Smith, founder of the Mormon church, in 1835, after speaking to God, related to his flock that the end time would begin with the return of Jesus which would occur during the following 56 years.  That would be by the year 1891.  Apparently God lied to Joseph.  Go figure.  However, the world did end for Joseph in 1844.  Pat Robertson, what a guy, predicted the end would come to an end in 1982.  Guess what, Pat, it’s 2011.  In 2006 Ronald Weinland, God’s Church minister, predicted the end to occur in 2008.  Oops.

Other end of world scares include Halley’s Comet, 1910.  March 1997, Heaven’s Gate was the result of end of the world prediction which led to 39 suicides by members of the cult.  Y2K, January 1, 2000, was based on a little computer glitch caused by the developers of the most common computer operating system when they didn’t plan ahead and use four digits for the year instead of only two.  Other failed prophesies came from Margaret Rowan, 1926; Dorothy Martin, 1954; Richard Noone, 2000; and UNARIUS (Universal Articulate Interdimensional Understanding of Science), 2001.  

The foundation for the current interest in end of the world scenarios is the Mayan calendar which ends abruptly on December 21, 2012.  I guess they were wise enough to predict the end of the world on December 21, 2012, but foolish enough not to prepare for the Spanish invasion in the 15th and 16th centuries.  Could it be possible that the Mayan calendar is cyclical.  It starts over, the world doesn’t end, you jackasses.

A back up for the Mayan’s calendar is I Ching (The Book of Changes).  The text, created around 2900 BC, uses hexagrams.  Don’t ask.  Anyway, thanks to Terrance McKenna, not Chinese, who created a graph using the hexagrams, the world will end about the same time the Mayans predicted.    What a guy that Terrance is.  It seems to me the Chinese would have figured this out first.

The Hopi Indians’ mythology, although not as precise as the Mayans’, describe three times the world has fallen due to geological forces.  According to Spider Woman, once again don’t ask,  we are now in the fourth world.  Their mythology states that the fourth world will soon end.  There are various versions of how: one includes WWIII, always a possibility.  They had a little trouble inventing a written language or the wheel, yet some people take their predictions seriously.   I think their 20/20 vision of the past geological upheavals is probably pretty accurate.  As for the future, I have my doubts.  Vanessa Charles, tribal spokeswoman, stated the Hopis are weighing heavily on the gambling issue. “We have a lot at stake here. We’re trying to build a sustainable homeland for the Hopi people.”   Hmm?  Apparently she is not a strong believer in Hopi mythology.

Let’s not forget Nostradomus.  Well, some of Nostradomus’s quatrains predicted that 1999 would be the end.  Damn, if you can’t depend on Nostradomus, just whom can you trust.  A recently “discovered” Nostradomus quatrain now places the end in 2012.   Well, if we get through 2012, will there be a Nostradomus End of the World: Part 3?

The Web Bot Project is a computer program originally designed to predict the stock market’s ups and downs.  Apparently bored with making money, the creators are using it to predict disasters.  It has had limited success thus far.  It has predicted a worldwide calamity for 2012.  Damn, you don’t think Obama will be reelected, do you?

In 2003, a report went worldwide that Sir Issac Newton predicted the end of the world for 2060.  Well, not exactly.  His prediction was more one of rebirth than doom, and even Sir Issac would have admitted that it was at best a wishful thought based on Biblical study.

Well, what does science say?  Solar flares will be pretty rough in 2011 and 2012.  What effect they will have is anyone's guess.  Al Gore predicts that man’s environmental abuses will cause and end of mankind.  I didn’t even like him when he was vice-president.  Folks who have been predicting global warming based on man’s activities apparently haven’t been to West Texas.    Asteroid impact on Earth: always a possibility.  Shifting of the poles: always a possibility.  There is any number of pretty bad things that can end the world as we know it.  These things are always possible and have always been so.

Yeah, the earth as we know it could end at any time.  What else is new?  That’s the way it has always been.  As for the Mayans, Hopi, Nostradomus, etc., predicting the future, I don’t think so.  A few years ago when I thought that I was at the zenith of my powers,  I sat down and wrote out a list of predictions about the coming year or so.  What a waste of time!  My chances of predicting the future are less than winning the Texas lotto.   As for predicting the end of the world as we know it, not very likely. 

All of these predictors of doom can kiss my old backside.  I find it much more likely that I won’t be around for December 21, 2012, than humanity in general.  I think, if I’m still around, that I’ll still buy Christmas presents for the 2012 season.  If I’m not still around, Merry Christmas anyway.


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