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Zombies

I'm a clicker.  I spend about half of my time when watching television searching for a better program.  Occasionally, I find one, but it ain't easy,
especially considering how many zombie movies I must plow through.

Why the heck are there so many zombie movies?  Surely someone knows, but it's beyond me.    They're horrible movies.  Most are not even B movies; they're C and D and F movies.


These Hollywood zombies are considerably different from the zombies which came from the Haitian African-American religion known as Vodou.  There it meant a deceased person who is revived and is governed by a socerer.  The revived person has no will of his own.  The socerer is believed to capture the zombie's soul in a jar or bottle.  Today studies indicate that the zombified state can be induced by tetrodotoxin, a toxic substance derived from puffer fish.  Once given the substance, the person appears to be dead, but then is revived by the socerer to use him as he sees fit.  These zombies are a far cry from the flesh eating, virus infected, decaying zombies pictured on television and in the movies.


Why would anyone, regardless of their life status resort to eating raw human flesh.  There's a McDonalds or Subway or Taco Bell on just about every corner.

I'm sure there are skeptics among my readers who can't believe I'm truly bothered by this trend of producing hundreds of zombie movies; well, just take a look at the following titles each of which begins with the word “zombi” or a variation of “zombie.”


Zombi 3 (Zombie Flesh Eaters 2), Zombie 4: After Death, Zombie 5: Killing Birds, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombie Ass (Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead), Zombie Bloodbath, Zombie Brigade, Zombie Chronicles, The Zombie Diaries, The Zombie Diaries 2, The Zombie Farm, The Zombie King, Zombie King and the Legion of Doom, Zombie Massacre, Zombie Nation, Zombie Night, Zombieland, Zombie Planet, Zombie Self-Defense Force, Zombie Strippers, Zombies! Zombies! Zombies!, Zombie Undead, Zombie Wars, Zombie Women of Satan, Zombiez, The Zombinator, ZMD: Zombies of Mass Destruction, Zombeavers.


You might say that this list is not long enough to cause me any real distress.  I must point out that all of these have been made since the turn of the century and doesn't account  for the movies with “zombie” within the title: White Zombie, War of the Zombies, Vengeance of the Zombies, Vampires vs. Zombies, Toxic Zombies, Teenage Zombies, Swamp Zombies,  Silent Night Zombie Night, Santo vs. the Zombies, Scooby Doo on Zombie Island, Revenge of the Zombies, Revolt of the Zombies, Rise of the Zombies, Reel Zombies, Redneck Zombies,  Portrait of a Zombie, Pop Punk Zombies, The Plague of the Zombies, Oh! My Zombie Mermaid, Oasis of the Zombies,  Ninjas vs. Zombies---Night of the Day of the Dawn of the Son of the Bride of the Return of the Revenge of the Terror of the Attack of the Evil, Mutant, Alien, Flesh Eating, Hellbound, Zombified Living Dead Part 2: In Shocking 2-D (yes, that's one title)---  A Little Bit Zombie, L. A. Zombie, Kung Fu Zombies, King of the Zombies, Island: Wedding of the Zombies, The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies, I: Zombie: the Chronicles of Pain, I Walked with a Zombie, I Was a Teenage Zombie, I Was a Zombie for the FBI, Graveyard Alive: A Zombie Nurse in Love, George: A Zombie Intervention, Die You Zombie Bastards, Cockneys vs. Zombies, Caustic Zombies, The Book of Zombies, Bio Zombie, Big Tits Zombie, Bath Salt Zombies, American Zombies, and Abraham Lincoln vs Zombies.


Are you beginning to get the picture?


Here are a few titles of zombie movies cleverly disguised by not including the word “zombie”: Violent Shit III, Stag Night of the Dead, Special Dead, Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead, Nudist Colony of the Dead, My Boyfriends Back.


The list of zombie movies goes on up into the hundreds.  So, now do you see my problem?  I can't say that Direct TV airs all of these films, but they get an A for their efforts.


Do you know that there is a thing called “zombie raves”?  This occurs when a number of young folks get together dressed and made up as zombies.  Weird!


Proof of the popularity of zombies lies in the money made by recent zombie movies: Resident Evil Afterlife, Zombieland, and Dawn of the Dead grossed 169 million.


Folks, first of all, zombies aren't real.  Secondly, zombies aren't real.  Quit screwing up my television time by making zombie movies popular.

enough