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Billy Bob Speaks on ‘lectric Cars

John W. Pinkerton


I checked in with Billy Bob Jumpback to see if he had any thoughts on Joe Biden's efforts to get all of us in electric cars…today, if not sooner.

“'Lectric car?  Well, I could get used  to driving one I suppose, but I hear they're pretty quiet.  I suspect I'll miss the roar of the engine and scarin' birds.  On the other hand, I hear  it has wonderful torque.  I like torque.  It's good for pulling up stumps.  I understand there's a little problem with 'lectric mileage; I mean, how far can you go before filling her up…uh…recharging her?”

“Billy Bob, you can travel about 250 miles in most new electric cars before having to recharge.”

“That ain't too bad.  Say what if my battery dies…you know batteries do die, do die, do die…what's that gonna  cost me?”

“Well, Billy Bob, it can cost between as little as  $2500, but some cost $20,000.”

“$20,000 dollars?  Well, Hell, just junk it and go get you a regular car.”

“How much does it cost to fill up---charge my 'lectric bug?”

“Billy Bob, electric rates vary so much, it's difficult to give you a simple answer.”

“I guess I'll have to buy one of them 'lectric cars to figure it out.”

“Well what about charging it up at home?”

“Well, Billy, you'll need to do some math.”

“Lay it on me.”

“To figure this out, find your latest electric bill, divide the kilowatt-hours you used into the dollar total. That'll tell you how much you pay per kWh.

“An electric car gets 3 to 4 miles per kWh,” So divide the total miles you drive each month by 3 to get the kWh you would use monthly. Then multiply that number by your cost per kWh. The amount you get will most likely be lower than what you pay each month to buy gasoline.”

“Most likely?”

“Yeah, most likely.”

“Humm…well how long does it take to charge the battery.  Filling Old Betsy up takes about five minutes.”

“…about 30 minutes...or longer.”

Holy Crap!  No way, Jose.”

“Well, word is that in five to ten years it might get faster.”

“Oh, joy.”

“Well, now, Billy Bob, you could spend the time scrolling through your Facebook or Twitter accounts.”

Billy Bob looked off into the distance as though he were trying to get his thoughts together…or contemplating what he wanted to order at Dairy Queen.

“How about charging stations if I go on one of those 250 mile trips?”

“There were 17,500 charging stations in 2019 as compared to 168,000 gas stations.”

“Well, I guess the gas stations will eventually get on the ball and install a bunch of charging stations.”

“Don't worry about that, Billy Bob.  The government is talking about putting charging stations all over the US.”

“And…who pays for it?  Don't answer.  I know.  I'll be payin' for all those government stations…jackasses.”

“Okay, at least tell me these 'lectric cars are cheaper than gas guzzlers.  After all they're just a battery and 'lectric motor'.”

“Well, they range from a little over $27,000 to $120,000.”

“That 27 thousand sounds okay.  What do I get for 27 thousand?”

“You get a Nissan Leaf.”

“Holy crap!  How about a real car?”

“Don't worry about the cost, Billy Bob. The government is giving folks money to help them buy one of these electric cars.”

“You got to be kiddin' me.  If electric cars are such a wonderful idea, why do you have to bribe folks to purchase one?  Somethin' ain't right here!”

Without elaboration, Billy jumped to his feet, trotted to his truck, and yelled “Yooha” as he sped away kicking up rocks, stirring dust, and scaring birds.