Bingo Night
ccummings7@cox.net
The senior community where we live has an annual bingo night and I was asked to be the emcee the past two years. It’s a fun night and provides an opportunity for the residents to stay up past 7:30. Of course, as the time approached 9:00 I did notice a few yawns in the crowd so I had to push ahead before people fell asleep on their bingo cards.
One of the reasons I was asked to emcee the event is because I add a little humor between the games by telling jokes related to seniors. In order to prepare myself for the evening, I do some research because I am not creative enough to write my own material. One of my main sources for jokes is a comedian named Gary Mule Deer whose videos I have seen on You Tube. He usually starts a show by saying “that isn’t my real name; my real name is Barbara Mule Deer.” As you can tell, his act gets a little corny from there. However, one thing about seniors is that they love to laugh because it temporarily makes them forget about their health issues.
For this month’s essay I thought I would share a few of the jokes that I told at the last event. Keep in mind that presentation has a lot to do with how well they go over so reading them doesn't always have the same effect. For ease of writing purposes, I have eliminated most of the punctuation.
Harvey and Harriet were married for 65 years and every day they argued about something. Harriet passed away and when she got to heaven she was met at the pearly gate by St. Peter. St. Peter said Harriet in order to enter into heaven you have to spell one word. Harriet said okay, what is it? St. Peter said “love” so Harriet said l-o-v-e and walked through the gate. St. Peter said I’ve been standing here all day and I really need to go to the bathroom. Would you watch the gate while I’m gone? Harriet said but I just got here. St. Peter said that’s okay, you know what to do and he walked away. She turned around and there was Harvey standing there. Harriet said Harvey what are you doing here? He said after your service I went home to take a nap and died in my sleep. She said well to get into heaven you have to spell one word. He said okay, what is it? Harriet said “Czechoslovakia.”
An old man was walking down the hall in a retirement home and he saw a door open so he walked into the room. There was an old lady sitting on the bed so he walked over and said I bet you can’t guess how old I am. She said I bet I can, drop your pants. He dropped his pants and she said you’re 96. He said that’s exactly right, how did you know? She said you told me at breakfast this morning.
President Biden was visiting a rest home and all the residents were excited to have their picture taken with him except for one old lady who never got up from the couch. Before he left President Biden walked over to her and said do you know who I am? She said no, but if you go to the office they can tell you.
An old man and old lady were sitting in the lobby of a retirement home and the old man said for five dollars I will make love to you right there in that rocking chair. The old lady just sat there and didn’t respond. After a couple of minutes he said for ten dollars I will make love to you on that sofa. Again, she just sat there and didn’t say anything. After a couple more minutes he said for twenty dollars I will take you back to my room and show you the most romantic evening you’ve ever had. She reached into her purse and pulled out a crumpled up twenty dollar bill. He said oh, so you want to go back to my room huh? She said get serious: I want it four times in the rocking chair.
There were a few other jokes but I guess I will stop here because it’s almost 7:30 and I don't want to fall asleep on my keyboard.
enough