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Bobby Joe, Bubba,


Dylan Mulvaney

John W. Pinkerton


Bubba and Bobby Joe were silent just pointing at the Lone Star sign.  The bartender, Waldo, as usual delivered their afternoon's twin beers, Lonestars, their I'm-so-glad-I-made-it-through-the-day brew.  

Waldo, not a great talker, offered, “How you like the new sign?” pointing at a sign behind the bar of a well-dressed woman holding a Bud Light with four more lights on a table before her.  Bobby Joe sighed heavily then responded to Waldo, “Nice sign, but we have a little problem, Waldo: that woman is a man.”

Waldo  laughed and said, “That's a good one, Bobby Joe,” and walked over to see what another customer at the end of the bar needed.

Bubba finally asked, “Why did you say that to Waldo?  You know he's not the brightest fellow on the block, and he might have taken you seriously.”

“He should.”

“What do you mean, 'He should'?”

“Bubba, I hate to get you upset on a lovely Wednesday evening, but that woman,” pointing at the sign, “ain't no regular woman.”

“She looks regular to me, Bobby Joe.”

“Bubba, that's Dylan Mulvaney, a transgender fellow.”

“Who the hell is Dylan Mulvaney?”

“Well, Bubba, apparently Dylan began life as a little boy, became a gay man,  and then hormonally and surgically a young girl…in other words, a transvestite.”

“Give me a minute, Bobby Joe.”

Bubba left his stool to walk around aimlessly in the bar.  He finally returned to his stool and after exhaling loudly said, “Go on.”

“Well, old Dylan was a broadway performer, but with the onset of covid, the theaters closed so he turned to Tik-Tok and became popular there celebrating his gayness, and last year he came out as a trans woman.”

“Anything else I need to know?”

“Not really.  Oh, old Dylan has contracts with other companies, but the Bud Light contract seems to have attracted more attention.  Travis Tritt and Kid Rock came out against the ad and Budweiser and Anheuser-Busch.  The Kid even shot a few Bud Lights to pieces with an,” raising his hands to form the universal sign for quotation marks, “assault rifle.”

“Now, Bubba.  You and I talked about this just recently, and if I remember correctly, we decided that any adult who wants to change his or her sex is welcome to do so, but if they try to indoctrinate children to be transgender, it's an evil enterprise.”

“Yep, that about sums it up.  I guess old Dylan ain't the villain here.”

“You got it, Bubba.  Budweiser is the villain.  Do you remember when a European company---a German company I think bought the American company?”

“Yeah, kinda.”

“Well, it's been downhill for Budweiser ever since.  It really wasn't the change of hands…it was the competition.”

“Yeah, that makes sense.”

This was followed by a long silence by both friends as they savored their Lone Stars.

Bubba broke the silence with, “Bobby Joe, what the Hell was Budweiser thinking when they chose Mulvaney to represent Bud Light?”

“Bubba, according to a company rep they were trying to attract a younger…hipper bunch of beer drinkers, but what they're really saying to folks like you, Bubba, and me is, 'We support the transgender agenda, and don't you dare object or you'll look like a lot of rednecks.'”

“Bobby Joe, I'm a redneck.”

“Me too, Bubba.”

“Bubba, I object to the ugly transgender involvement with kids and I object to stupid people…like Budweiser execs.”

“Okay, wait---that explains why the Clydesdale horse performances are being canceled---because of safety concerns.  I caught a little about that on TV .  I was wondering who could possibly want to harm one of those nice Clydesdales.  That's a lot off my mind.”

Bubba suddenly declared, “Home to the wife?”

“Home to the wife,” and thus another after work debriefing concludes.

As they approached the exit, Waldo yelled, “Bobby Joe, that's a good one, that woman’s a man.”