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Dogs Fish and Birds

John W. Pinkerton


Linda and I have had a lot of animals through the years…mostly cats, but we have given other animals a chance to audition for a position with us.

We first tried dogs.  We had a few pretty nice dogs, but accidents and mysterious disappearances ended these associations.

We tried out a bird, a parakeet  we named Charlie, nice bird…I guess.  I have a little trouble relating to birds.  This reminds me of a story.

One night while staying awake watching television way past Linda's bedtime, I noticed that the parakeet, Charlie had passed away.  Linda later asked me how I knew Charlie was really gone.  I responded, “Well, you don't see live birds lying on their backs with their little claws pointed toward the sky.”  Anyway, wishing to spare Linda's tender feelings, I ushered her out of the house pretty early the next morning and sent her off on a scheduled shopping trip.  At the time there was a local fellow who sold parakeets.  While Linda was away, I bought another bird and placed it in Charlie's cage.  (By the way, I put the deceased Charlie in my golf bag.)  However, being that the new bird was far from an exact duplicate of Charlie, I feared that the ruse wouldn't hold up, and  decided to tell Linda the true fate of Charlie.

“Linda, Charlie passed away last night.”

There were a few moments of confusion---I didn't take into account that her brother's name was also Charley.  Well, at least it was a bird and not her brother who died.  It's a good news-bad news story.

The only other animal we've had which was not a cat was a fish, Oscar.  I know, I know, not very original because he was an oscar.  We bought a five gallon tank for the new resident and placed it in a spot that allowed me to keep an eye on him...him?  I guess.

Anyway, I liked Oscar well enough to catch flies for him to eat which he seemed to really enjoy.  I'd throw the flies down to water and they would stick and flutter about which caught Oscar's attention.  Post haste Oscar went for the intruder and gulped it down.  Fly supplier and consumer was about as far as our relationship went.  Oh yeah, I had to rescue  him occasionally.  He kept jumping out of the tank and landing on the floor.  I noticed him flopping around a few times and saved his little life by placing him back in the tank…dumbass---Oscar, not me---well, me too.

Oscar passed away.  No more fish for us.  That's probably a good thing.  I doubt that I'm still quick enough to catch flies.