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Everyone Should Have a Human

or Two

Bob Hurt


A doggie tale by Dxtr, 4 March 2018

translated from lingua canis by Bob Hurt

Everyone should have his own human. In my case, I have two---Bob and Maria. This is my story of how I came to know, adopt, and share my home with them.

My name is Dxtr. Yeah, that's right. I'm the silver miniature Schnauzer with white boots, and I don't have an “E” to my name. You'll see me out walking my mistress, Maria, of a morning, afternoon, and evening within a few hundred yards of the cul-de-sac on OTOW's Persian Drive.

We live right at the edge of the OTOW forest, and I love it there. I've seen foxes, owls, and raccoons in those woods, and I'm dying to go out there and frolic with them, but Maria never lets me off the leash. And to tell the truth, I think she's scared of the forest. That horned owl is huge and he looks scary, but his hoot is like the call of the wild and music to my ears.

I was born back in May of 2014 in a litter of 6 pure-bred puppies. I was black with white markings as a young pup, but my black hair changed color to silver as the months rolled by. My mom and dad are part of an array of Scotties and mini-Schnauzers who have their own breeder in the Florida panhandle. I don't remember much about my early days, but I certainly did love the way my mom groomed me and my siblings while we nestled up close to her to go to sleep. Aside from nuzzling up to her bosom for warm milk, that is the most comforting memory of my puppyhood.

I met Bob and Maria at the age of 2 months. They made a deal with the breeders and met halfway to the panhandle to pick me up and take me home with them. Frankly, I was glad to get away from the kennels, and when I met Maria, it was love at first sight for both of us. I kept thinking "Oh, my lucky day," all the way to my new home. Bob and Maria celebrate my birthday around the first week in May every year. We have the greatest puppy treats, and human friends come over. They all seem to like petting me, and hey, I like it too.

I have managed to get Maria used to a daily routine with me. She feeds me delicious dog food 3 times a day, and varies it, sometimes puppy chow, and sometimes a kind of doggie stew. When we first met, she took me out for a walk five times a day. She really worried that I might relieve myself on the carpet. I'm proud to say that I only had one accident of that kind when I was a small pup. Now she takes me out 3 or 4 times a day.

When I need to go, I walk right up to Maria and start gently nibbling on her fingers and pulling her hand toward me. She gets the idea quickly. She slips red rubber boots on my paws, puts that chest harness on me, clips on the leash, grabs some doggie bags, and out we go. I've seen photos of myself and I look quite snazzy in those red boots. For inclement weather, Maria bought me a yellow rain slicker. I look sharp in that, too. We walk over to the golf course or down to the end of the street, and then work our way back home alongside the forest.

Aside from eating, going for those walks are the highlight of my day.  I absolutely love tracking the scent of dogs, cats, forest creatures, and humans. I can't get enough of it. The scents fascinate me, and they trigger my hunting instinct.

I wake Maria up about 7:30 to go for my first walk of the day. While out for walks, we often stop to greet our neighboring dogs with their humans. I get along famously with nearly all of them. One of them, a really fluffy dog, doesn't seem to like me, and every time I see him, I just want to bite down on his tail. I know I should be a dog of good will, but hey, nobody's perfect.

As for Bob, he is one of my favorite buddies because I can always count on him being at home in his easy chair or sitting out on the veranda talking with the girls, or in the family room watching TV with Maria. Often I lie right there at Bob's side or beneath his feet, or between him and Maria.

While at home and indoors, I keep my ears alert for sounds at the front door. If I hear someone trying to open the door or knocking, I let out a hysterical barking sound to alert Bob and Maria. I know Bob thinks I'm a barbarian, but what the heck, I protect our home. It's my job. I volunteered to do it and I do it right. Besides, I hear better than either Bob or Maria. A freight train could come whizzing by and I don't think Bob would notice it.

I get the idea that you wonder what Bob is good for, since he doesn't feed me or walk me. I'll tell you. Plenty. Bob gives the best haircuts this side of the Westminster dog show. He has an excellent Andis professional dog clipper, and he really knows how to use it. He trims me up and I look better than any mini Schnauzer I've ever seen.

You see, my breeders bobbed my tail but didn’t clip my ears to make them stand up like a military-looking Shnauzer’s. My ears hang long and lovely, almost the size of rabbit ears. Silky hair grows long on my ears, around my sides, and on my lower legs. But, Bob keeps back, upper sides, and head trimmed quite short.  Of course I sport a full Schnauzer beard and moustache, and long eyebrows. I think I am one cool looking canine.

One thing Bob does that I don't like---he has a Dremel-like tool that he uses to grind my toenails down when they get too long. I hate that thing, and I resist the grinding. Bob has to hold me down to trim my nails every month or so.

Bob also is pretty good at training me. He gives me plenty of treats when I do things right, and so I just love pleasing him. He has a piece of cardboard with an X on it. He tosses it on the floor and tells me to go to my mark, and I go put my feet right on that X. I can lie down, play dead, sit up and beg, high-five, shake hands, give Bob a hug, and usually I come when he calls me. Yes, I know my name. Dxtr. No E's. You'd do tricks too for treats, wouldn't you?

Bob broke down and bought me some bully sticks---stretched-out dehydrated bovine penises cut in 12-inch lengths. I can gnaw on a bully stick for hours, and it's digestible. Tastes pretty good too, even though Bob turns his nose up at their odor. And a couple of months ago, Maria started buying me a "Bark Box" full of treats and doggie toys once a month. I haven't learned to put my toys away yet, but Maria keeps them in a special basket. When I want Bob to play tug-a-toy with me, I get one out of the basket, take it to his chair, and drop it on the floor. Usually he hears it, and picks it up, and we tug away on it for a while. I love tugging on toys. Bob tells me thank you when he wants me to let go, and then he tosses it to me, and I catch it in my teeth. What fun!

We have a good sleeping system in our home. Maria goes to bed with the chickens, so to speak, about 8:30 PM, and I jump up in the bed right beside her, where Bob is supposed to sleep. I love sleeping in his spot because I like his scent, and I like being beside Maria. I protect her when Bob isn't around. He usually stays up late and comes to bed after midnight. He gently scoots me over and makes a kind of humming sound to let me know he appreciates my warming up his spot for him. He reaches down to pet my head and stroke my fur. I lick his hand. We groom each other every night that way for a few minutes. It comforts me. Life is good, really good.

Bob and Maria are mine forever. Aside from them, my three best human friends are Eddie, Richard, and Nora. Eddie makes me feel that I'm in safe hands. He's an alpha-male (and au naturel) like me, so the females love us. Richard is a barrel of fun. Sometimes he takes me to his home for a weekend, then we go down to the club where all the good looking girls come by to smile and talk to me and pet me. I like the way Richard pampers me.   Nora baby talks to me, gives me treats, and teaches me new tricks. Life is so sweet!

Last year, Maria wrote a book in my honor. She named it The Adventures of Dxtr. She got a bunch of them printed up and gave them out to all my friends. The front cover looks like this:

Now that you’ve read my story, I hope you'll take a look at my book. It contains lots of pictures.  You can download it from this web address:  http://bit.ly/TheAdventuresOfDxtr.