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Fantasy Football: Year 100: Part Deux

John W. Pinkerton


A quick note about this essay.  There was an essay entitled “Fantasy Football: Year 100” which I thought I had published in the last issue.  It  told how the season unfolded and, frankly, was quite humorous.  However, it was never published and apparently is lost forever.  This essay would be much more relevant if the first essay was still available.  Oh, well.

Game One: Won

Lou 5.1 38-H-town Hooligans 28

I was a little surprised but pleased that my team won the first game of the season. Based on past seasons, I expected a loss.  Thirty-eight points gave me a little hope for the season.

Game Two: Won

Lou 5.1 44-Big Kahuna 15

Forty-four points!  That's a lot, but I really didn't need all of them considering that my opponent only scored fifteen.  For the second week in a row one of my players scored two touchdowns---more hope.

Game Three: Won

Lou 5.1 31-Just Win Baby! 24

Thank the Lord that my opponent only scored twenty-four points.  My thirty-one is not typically high enough to win.  I consider 36 points good enough to win most games.

Game Four: Lost

Lou 5.1 38-Spicy Nuggets 39

Yahoo predicted a seven point win for my opponent (37-30), and, frankly, I had low expectations.  My opponent finished Sunday's games with a 13 point lead.  I had one hope left---slim and none.  He, C. Edwards Helaire, a Kansas City Running Back, would need to score three times in the Sunday Night Game to overcome that lead.  The only reason the score just being thirteen points down was my kicker got the team 14 points.  I did get some pleasure from thinking how disturbed my opponent, the owner of Spicy Nuggets, must have been when old Helaire scored twice in the first half.  Didn't see much of him in the second half.

Well, after four weeks, my team is still in first place with a 3-1 record and 151 points for and 106 scored against.  Although I scored the most, I also had the fewest points against.  That explains a lot.

Game Five: Lost

Lou 5.1 27-Nacho My Libre 49

Humm…the worm has turned. 27 is the fewest number of points my team has scored this year.

I went from first place to fourth place…not reassuring.   Looking for a bright note, I see I've had at least one player who is not a quarterback score two touchdowns in four of the five games and my kicker is kicking it.

Game Six: Lost

Lou 5.1 20-Bud Boys 33

Well, isn't that special: my team lost to the team in last place, but I'm still in fourth place.  I guess it could be worse.

Game Seven: Lost

Lou 5.1 29 Prince Charming's Wife 30

Another disappointing weekend.  I had two pretty good players going in to Sunday night.  My opponent was finished with 30 points.  All I needed was two points, but no.

Another one point loss, but I noticed that others are also having problems and although I'm 3-4 on the season, I'm still in fourth place.

Game Eight: Lost

Lou 5.1 24-H-Town Hooligans 35

Wow!  The misery continues.

Game Nine: Lost

Lou 5.1 39-Big Kahuna 73


Okay…okay…settle down, Lou 5.1.

Lou, your record is 3 wins and 6 losses, and there are 5 games left in the 14 game regular season.  Typically 8 wins will get a team into the playoffs.  3 + 5 = 8.  In other words, if I win all five remaining games, I'm surely in.  If my team wins four of the next five, there's a slight chance I'll get in.

Well, I began the season with three straight wins followed by six straight losses.  I see no reason I couldn't win the next five.


Or maybe not…

I lost in the 10th week.  I've only got a slight chance of getting in.

Game Ten: Lost

Lou 5.1 17-Just Win Baby! 39

Game Eleven: Won

Lou 5.1 35-Spicy Nuggets 34

I finally won a game by one point.  I lost two games earlier in the season by one point.

Game Twelve: Won

Lou 5.1 33-Nacho My Libre 26


Game Thirteen: Won

Lou 5.1 34-Bud Boys 30

Game Fourteen: the critical game.  All my team has to do is beat my opponent…a girl and the other girl must also lose.  They both won. 

Game Fourteen: Lost

Lou 5.1 38-Prince Charming's Wife 47

You know…38 points is enough to win on most weekends…but not on this one…47 points?

I’m in the consolation round once again.  My team played the H-town Hooligans and beat them like a drum:

Fisrt Round of Consolation: Won

Lou 5.1 36-H-town Hooligans 26

and in the final game I lost:

Final Round of Consolation: Lost

Lou 5.1 14-Bud Boys 37

Oh, well...sixth place---not bad for a confused old man.