Feeling Like Oneself
I think it’s a pretty safe bet that almost everyone in North America has used the idiomatic expression, “feeling like oneself,” yet it is a little difficult to explain it to people who did not grow up with the expression or experience the feeling.
“To feel like oneself” means that one feels “comfortable or normal---to be in one’s usual mood or state of health.” To not feel like oneself means not feeling as happy and healthy as usual.
For years I occasionally would not feel like myself even back when I was still working. It was never debilitating, and I didn’t worry about it. It took the form of a mild depression which I didn’t recognize until I would suddenly come out of it and would feel like myself again. I have in the last twenty years learned that my extreme hyperthyroidism was the cause of these bouts with mild depression.
When I had my heart attack, feeling like myself became the rarity and not feeling like myself became the normal for me.
After getting home from three weeks in a couple of hospitals, I had fifteen minutes of feeling like myself. Since those few minutes, I have only felt like myself for a few seconds usually after awakening in the mornings.
If you have never experienced the feeling---which I find hard to believe---it’s probably difficult for you to understand.
There is lot of advice for those suffering from not feeling like oneself if it’s based on emotional imbalance. Motivational quotes include: “You can get everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want.” “Inspiration does exist, but it must find you working.” “Don't settle for average.” “Show up, show up, show up, and after a while the muse shows up, too.” “Don't bunt.”
From these quotes the internet wanders off into “self love.” Although these are very nice quotes, they don’t do much for me other than the “show up” one.
Surely you realize by now that I prefer talking about myself more than supplying information which might help others, but here goes: hormones, stress, major life changes, grieving a loss, and changes in relationships are common causes of not feeling like oneself.
Back to me---I think my problem falls under the depersonalization heading. We really don’t understand much about depersonalization. Depersonalization occurs when you have the feeling that you're observing yourself from outside your body. I should not be surprised by having this experience because of the multiple health problems I’ve had over the last twenty years. I definitely feel a disconnect between my body and my mind.
Short of a miracle, I expect I’ll never feel like myself for any extended periods in the future, but that’s okay as long as I stay productive.
So far, so good.
enough