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I Fell Again

John W. Pinkerton


Okay…I fell again.

This is about the fourth time I've fallen in the last three years.

There was another rather humorous fall I don't count which occurred  about a year before  my health seriously went South.  On that occasion,  I just got off balance, picked up speed, hit a wall, and did chiropractor type damage to a shoulder.  I eventually got over it.

The first time I fell, I saw it coming and did a rather athletic tuck and roll---no damage done.  The second time I fell was while looking into a bathroom mirror.  I believe somehow I cut off my blood's circulation, passed out and narrowly missed serious spinal damage by about an inch when I landed on a ceramic trash can.  I regained consciousness almost immediately.  The third time I fell was the result of attempting to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night when my “tail”, the tube running back to the oxygen machine, got tangled up.  The delay caused oxygen deprivation.  I felt the fall coming and hit the floor flat on my backside---hard.  No apparent damage done.  The fall today was a total surprise…well, of course it was a surprise: otherwise I would not have made the trip from my chair to the new computer if I had suspected I was going to fall.

Early this morning, around five, I made my first trip from my recliner to the new computer across the room.  I did a little work there and safely returned to my chair.   About an hour later, seeing on my old computer accessible from my recliner, that I had not accomplished what I had hoped to accomplish on the new computer, I decided to make another trip to the new computer.  I got there fine and did the tasks I needed to do and started back to my chair.  When I stepped down from the elevated area of the new computer (about a foot), I fell sideways hurting my back and, of course, my butt.

Linda assisted me, and after about an hour, I returned to my chair…not a happy man.

Immediately I realized that I probably should not attempt too many returns to the new computer using a walker and without assistance.  By the way, my wheelchair suddenly looked like a pretty good alternative.

The situation, fear of leaving my recliner, reminded me of a character in the movie Apocalypse Now.  In civilian life he had been a saucier from New Orleans.  He wanted to get off of the boat, which was on a very dangerous mission in Laos, to harvest some mangos.  While in the jungle in the dark of night, he encountered a tiger that scared  the you-know-what out of him…scared me too, and I was sitting in a comfortable seat in a theatre.  Once back on the boat,   he repeatedly said, “Never get out of the boat.  Never get out of the boat.  Never get out of the boat.”   My own mantra immediately became, “Never get out of my chair!  Never get out of my chair!”

I need to discover how to mirror the desktop of the new computer on my old computer which we (Yes, I have a smart friend.) recently moved to sit next to my recliner.  This should eliminate some of the trips to the new computer which should lessen gravity’s opportunities to kill me.

When my nurse from hospice---that sounds a lot like an adventure movie title: The Nurse from Hospice---appeared later the day of the fall, I asked her if any sick people have ever benefited from a fall.   She seemed a little bemused by my question.  I believe her answer although unspoken was, “NO!”