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I Had a “Theeling”

John W. Pinkerton


This morning when I first awoke, I had a thought which was new to me.  I debated with myself the wisdom or foolishness of sharing this thought with y’all.  Of course, I concluded that I should…what harm could it do?

At the age of 80, which I “achieved” about a week ago, means I've probably thought most of the thoughts I'll ever have; however, this was a totally new one.

Come to think of it, it was kind of a cross between a thought and a feeling.  Maybe that would be called a “fought” or a “theeling.”  But I digress.

I felt as though I was an intruder, an interloper, a trespasser. Admittedly it made me feel a little uneasy. 

I made the assumption that this feeling was related somehow to my age.  Eighty is not ancient, but it is an age which means that one has spent more days than one has left in the quiver.

The question that came to my mind was, “Does this mean I've outlived my welcome?”

I wonder if anyone else has had the same feeling.  Surely I'm not the single, only, unique human being to have this thought.

I've spent most of my life feeling relatively welcome on earth.  I say “relatively” because there have been moments that I felt the world was working against me…wanted me gone.  However, I survived these feelings with grace, and I'm still here today.

If you have had a similar feeling, let me know at oldjwpinkerton@gmail.com.  It would be nice to know I'm not alone…I think.