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I Know Nothing, Nothing!

John W. Pinkerton


Boy, could we see this one coming!

When I heard the announcement that the Office of the Director of National Intelligence on UAP, unidentified aerial phenomena, UFO to most of our citizenry, would be coming soon, I said to myself, which I often do, “Nope.”

The requirement of a report was slipped into the omnibus spending and coronavirus-relief package---those sneaky legislators---I immediately realized two things: one, the Biden administration welcomed this because they wanted a diversion from stagflation, the collapse of the dollar, the crisis on the border, the growing price of gas, and Biden's mental health:  and, two: a government that has lied about UFO's for seventy years was not about to start telling folks the truth…unless they had a sudden “come to Jesus” moment” which I find unlikely.

The report covered 2004 to 2021 and concluded that of the 144 cases of reports of UFO's, only one could be explained, a deflated balloon. Well, at least it wasn't “swamp gas.”

To sum up the nine page report, as Sergeant Schultz of Hogan's Heroes often said, “I know nothing, nothing!”  Please excuse my language, but what a collection of cow paddys.

However, the report did conclude that the UFO's were not ours nor any of our adversaries; some reports were possibly the results of “collection bias”; there seems to be multiple types of UFO’s observable in a bunch of ways (to quote Yogi Berra, “You can observe a lot just by watching”; the UFO's seem to display “unusual flight characteristics” (Unusual?  Well, yeah!) but that could be the results of “sensor errors,” “spoofing” (You don't hear that word used much today.”), and “observer misperception” (Who you going to believe?  Me or your lying eyes?)---all of which “require additional rigorous analysis,” which basically means, “Buzz off!) As for the matter of these UFO's being a possible threat to air safety and national security---“Well, maybe.”

To save yourself the trouble of reading the nine page report, I'll summarize: “I know nothing, nothing!”