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John W. Pinkerton


When I was a young fellow, say ten or so, I was taught in Bible school that Methuselah lived to the age of 969.  I immediately called “bullshit” on this and sought reasons that the Bible would include this obviously erroneous information.  I tried out confusing years and months, but with my limited math skills, I couldn't make this work as a sensible explanation.  I searched for other explanations, but nothing seemed to satisfy my need to understand.

I also learned in Bible school that Noah was a descendent of Methuselah and was 600 years old when he and his family sailed off in the Ark.  Holy moly.

There is even a rumor that Adam lived for over 900 years.

Oh well.  I put thoughts of Methuselah and Noah aside and moved on: Elvis and rock-'n-roll were big at about that time and pushed a lot of other thoughts out of my little mind.

Being that I have grown to the ripe old age of 80, I decided to take another look at these old timers and the possibility that Methuselah might actually have achieved his recorded age of 969.  My conclusion was, “Why not?”

Just a by-the-way: there's a tree in Egypt called the Methuselah Tree, bristlecone pine,  that is 46 centuries old…go figure.

One more by-the-way: in modern times, Jeanne Louise Calment, a French woman, is the oldest documented person: 122 and several months.  That's a long way from 969.

What the heck is going on here?

Well, I gave my tiny brain the task of solving this problem and came up with a couple of theories.

God or alien creators or both would probably get tired of folks hanging around the earthly veil for such long periods.  I mean, after all, some folks are just naturally jackasses.  And if you're experimenting with the creation of a more suitable man, having experiments go on for hundreds of years probably just slowed the whole thing down.

By the way, if I ever run into an alien, I'm going to ask him to fix everything that's wrong with me (body not  mind) and then extend my life for another 889 years.

The other theory?  It's something about wearing white after Labor Day, but I've forgotten the details…80 you know.