The Possum
I’ve got friends with possum stories – possums who eat their cat and dog food, possums who live under houses and in attics, possums who crawl along the back fence at dusk, even possums who were once discovered on a bed in the back bedroom. Now I’ve got my own possum story. It is exciting and riveting from beginning to (what I hope is the) end; that is, if you live a really boring life.
It all started on a Monday morning a few weeks ago when I made my routine trip to retrieve the newspapers from the end of the driveway. As I passed through the garage I noticed a few items on the floor that had been knocked off the shelves. I immediately suspected mice or rats even though I was surprised at the size of the mess. I naively hoped that this was a one-time occurrence and replaced said items on the shelves.
Tuesday morning I found a similar mess on the garage floor. As my concern grew, so did my quandary as to what I should do about this disturbance. Maybe it was just a two-time occurrence.
Wednesday morning the anonymous fiend had struck again! (I realize that at this point my story lacks a certain degree of suspense due to the title and opening paragraph. Bear with me.) As I pondered my dilemma further, I noted that the door to the garage had a window and the light switch was fortuitously located inside the door. Plus, as fate would have it, I was storing several items of furniture in the garage at the time and did not have room for the car. So with a clear view of most of the garage, I thought, “What are the odds of me catching the offending party (or parties??) in the act?” Realizing that my odds were slim, I started my “vigil” by moseying by the door to the garage every half hour or so and flipping on the light switch to see if I could get a glimpse of the culprit. To my amazement, on the 2nd or 3rd try, I flipped the light switch and found a possum staring blindly back at me! This was completely unexpected as I had no knowledge of the existence of such a critter in these parts, and I’m in my 3rd year at this residence.
After taking a moment to compose myself and regain the emotional upper hand, I turned on the light again and he was still there. Hoping to humanely encourage her/him to vacate my garage, I activated the garage door opener and pretended to charge at him/her. (For simplicity’s sake, the possum shall from now on be referred to as “he/him” even though I have no idea as to his actual gender – nor do I really care.) As I made my way toward him, he slowly turned and retreated back deeper into the garage. While his movements were slow and, well, possum-like, I sensed that secretly he was terrified of me.
The next day, after replacing the usual items on the garage shelves, I consulted the Internet and my Facebook friends. The online source indicated that the usual method for removal was to use a trap followed by a release in an unpopulated area near a water source. A local Facebook friend told me that Animal Control would take care of the situation. With some sense of relief, since my problem was now clearly defined and a solution was eminent, I called Animal Control. The kind woman who answered the phone basically said, “Yeah, we don’t do that. Rent a trap at the feed store, then take it out of town and release it.” Somewhat deterred but no less determined, I got directions to the feed store and set out to get my possum trap. I returned triumphant and encouraged that the fee was a mere $2/day.
I figured baiting the trap was a no-brainer since possums eat almost anything. However I was tempted to go next door, from whence much barking emanates every time I work in my own yard, to borrow a cup of dog food. I opted instead for old food that had outlived its appropriate placement in our fridge. With the trap set, I eagerly awaited the fall of night. I continued to check on the “situation” that evening, and again to my surprise, I found myself staring at the same ugly beast in mid-garage, showing absolutely no interest in the delectable trash in the trap. Only slightly dismayed, I decided to let nature take its course and wait until morning.
Friday morning. It was with eager anticipation that I entered the garage with visions of a clean garage and a grumpy possum in a cage. Alas, it was I who became grumpy at the sight of an undisturbed cage and by far the biggest mess of the week on the floor of the garage. If at first you don’t succeed… I decided to “sweeten the pot” by adding some fresh lunchmeat to the bait.
Saturday morning. No possum in cage, but no mess in garage! Interesting. This was obviously a clear message, but I was clueless as to what that message meant.
Sunday morning. No change in status.
Monday morning. Ditto.
My biggest concern now was that Mr. Possum was waiting for me to get rid of the trap before returning to ravage my garage. However I was not willing to fork out the $2/day indefinitely, so I returned the cage. When asked at the feed store as to the degree of my success, I replied with great false confidence that the mere appearance of this cage had so offended my offender that he left!
Tuesday morning. [wait for it…] No sign of possum.
Wednesday morning. Ditto.
Thursday morning. Ditto again.
There have been no more possum sightings in my garage. I have no idea where he came from or went. We have gotten rid of most of the furniture in the garage, and after cleaning up the aftermath of my mother-in-law’s move, I still see no evidence of a critter in the garage.
If you find the end of my story somewhat unsatisfying, I agree. I’m not entirely sure this is over, but based on current evidence I no longer have a problem. For that I am truly grateful. I just hope I won’t be writing a future essay entitled: “Return of the Possum!”
enough
