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Pumpkin Fraud

John W. Pinkerton


I opened my newspaper this morning and I discovered a political cartoon on the editorial page featuring a woman with a bubble above her head
saying, “The country is so deeply divided and my angst so profound, I worry that not even pumpkin spice will snap me out of it.”

Yeah, of course I had heard of pumpkin spice.  How could one not.  It’s everywhere.  Frankly, I had no idea what it was or why it was everywhere.

When pumpkin spice appeared on the editorial page, I said, “Enough.  It’s time to investigate.”

Watson and I went to the internet and learned that this pumpkin spice stuff was started by Starbucks.  Crap, I hate Starbucks---bad coffee.  Apparently they’ve convinced folks that pumpkin spice is good in coffee and should only be consumed in the fall of the year.  It’s a pumpkin latte.  How sophisticated!

Holy Moly!  The pumpkin spice craze spread faster than CNN’s reporting of the corona virus at an SEC football game on a hot day: Pumpkin Spice Cheerios, Pumpkin Spice Jello, Pumpkin Spice Candy Corn, Low Carb Pumpkin Spice Bagels, Thomas’ Seasonal Pumpkin Spice Swirl Bread, Pumpkin Spice Dark Chocolate, and Ace Pumpkin Cider…to name a few products that took up the challenge.

Well, what is this spice with magical powers?  Once again, Holy Moly!  There is no pumpkin in pumpkin spice; the name comes from pumpkin pies which it has traditionally flavored.  Crap!  We’ve been lead astray once more.