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Talking to Men

John W. Pinkerton


I’ve run my latest social theory by both men and women.  Men, for the most part, seem to accept it; some ladies…not so much.

One evening while talking to a newly acquired friend who seemed to often wander off into the world of unicorns where all people are basically good, I had a sudden epiphany.

I confronted him unapologetically with my conclusion: “Bubba, I figured out what’s wrong with you: you have spent way too much time talking to women and not enough time talking to men.”

In response he pointed toward his wife, a perfectly lovely woman, in the next room.  He was not defiant about his history.  It was as though he were saying, “Of course, who else would I have talked to for the last fifty years?”

Holy crap!  I’ve got my work cut out for me.

I realized at that moment that he never had a chance: he is not a drinker; he did not hunt or fish; he doesn’t play poker; and he doesn’t play golf.  Not a chance from the get-go.  It was women’s voices every day for more than fifty years in his world.

Some folks believe that mature, straight men only say ugly things or foolish things: a lot of what they share with each other are, in fact, ugly and foolish.  It’s a winnowing process which often once complete leaves the speakers with positive and wise conclusions…they find the pony in the haystack.

I once thought that fellows spent a lot of time in bars exclusively to get “plastered,” but with old age and a more accurate perspective, I’ve realized the reason that men go hunting, play golf, play poker with friends, or go to a local bar is primarily so they can hear the voices of men.

I hate to shock  you gentle folks, but talking to a man by a man and listening to a man by a man is hugely different from the conversation between most men and women.  When men are talking, there is always the possibility that someone is going to get his ass whipped…and after all…men are men.

Men talking to men keeps them in touch with the human being they were born to be.

Some women seem to resent their men leaving them at home when they wander off with the “boys.”   In the old day, my youth, there were bars exclusively for men: no women allowed.  This seemed to be an acceptable arrangement for both sexes which provided men a “safe” haven in which to speak to each other.  It would probably be a good idea to bring back men-only bars.

Ladies, in your hearts you still want them to be men, not lapdogs.

As for bringing my friend back from the depths he has fallen, I will not surrender.  However, I doubt I can ever get him to pass a curse word from his lips.  Oh, well.  I’ll do the best I can.