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Tears---Knock It Off

John W. Pinkerton


When someone cries---particularly in public, I have the urge to slap them.  Okay, okay.  I'll make a couple of exceptions: the loss of a loved one or extreme pain.  That's all the exceptions I can come up with.

I didn't watch much of the hearing on the January 6 “insurrection,” but I did catch a couple of Capitol officers on the verge of tears as they damn near cried.  Holy crap!  No wonder a bunch of unarmed, pissed off people overran these folks.  No one died in this dust up…except a poor woman shot by the police.

When men cry in public, I want to laugh.  When women cry, I want to slap their asses because many of them use tears as a defense mechanism.

Children learn quickly that they can get sympathy if they cry.  With the exception of injuries, I don't sympathize.  My most common reaction to a ten year olds crying because they are not allowed to do whatever they want to do is to laugh.  I find it hilarious.

Now, I've read that there are some physiological benefits of crying…very minor---not worth mentioning.

On the other hand, crying causes a runny nose, bloodshot eyes, swelling around the eyes and general puffiness in the face.  You look worse now than you did before crying about a bad hairdo.  Congratulations.

I agree with Hank Hill lecturing Luanne on emotional control:

HANK: Luanne, sometimes life throws you a curve ball. Now there's two ways you can deal with it. You can cry -- and that's the path you've chosen -- or you can not cry.

LUANNE: How do you not cry?

HANK: Well, instead of letting it out, try holding it in. Every time you have a feeling, just stick it into a little pit inside your stomach and never let it out.

LUANNE (trying it): Are you supposed to have a pain under your rib?

HANK: Yes. That's natural. The body doesn't want to swallow its emotions. But now you go ahead and put that pain inside your stomach too.

LUANNE: I think it's workin', Uncle Hank. I feel sick, but not sad.

We should learn a lesson from our pets.  Dogs and cats---and lions and tigers and bears---don't cry emotional tears triggered by sadness…that's unique to humans.

Alright, unique humans, knock it off. .